Saturday, 8 February 2014

F is for Förändring, Förankring, Framtiden

These three words – change, anchoring and the future – are significant for me in this particular phase of my life. I have had strange dreams recently – of people, possessions and opportunities being snatched away from me, and of being led to strange places and then abandoned. It is seldom that I remember my dreams, but of late these instances have been regular and frequent, and I have woken feeling disorientated and fundersam – puzzled (ah, yet another ‘f’!).

If I look at the words one by one and reflect on them, I can see a pattern and identify reasons. The dreams may also be a prompt to stop and reflect on what has happened over the past year. Until now I have neglected to do just that.

There have been a lot of förändringar – changes – in my life of late. After suffering numerous falls in her home, my elderly mother moved into a residential care home last April (in England) and is frail. My brother cut off all contact with us last summer. I turned 60 last August. Opportunities for service were dangled in front of my nose, and just as quickly and mysteriously snatched away. Shortly afterwards I was plunged into local politics – at least until the end of 2014, when my temporary mandate terminates. As Mum’s Attorney I have recently sold the family home and handed over the keys. A firm was hired to remove the contents.

There is a change too in my relationship with Mum. It has become more mutually loving.

Amidst all these changes I feel förankrad – anchored – in the town in which I live. It has family connections. My husband and his siblings grew up here. I also feel more anchored in myself. Having dual citizenship I feel at home as a British-Swede and as a Swedish-Brit. At 60 I have a new sense of self-confidence: I have had my long hair cut short and as if by magic the long grey hair streaked with brown has now become short brown hair streaked with grey! I am in balance with my inner self and at peace with the being I am happy to call God. I enjoy my work and find satisfaction in helping others to express themselves in writing. The once-a-month Meeting for Worship with the Småland Worship Group is a joy, and gives me a sense of continuity and of anchorage.

The future – framtiden – is as yet unknown. I have no idea where I may be led, and what I might find there. My hope, however, is that I will not be abandoned.

1 comment:

  1. I resonate with the change that is brought about by seeing a mother become frailer and more dependent the same thing has happened to my mother. I see it as a half way house, time to make peace and say goodbyes, she will not be here much longer and she has been here all of my ( long) life.

    I find more that I am anchored in my sense of self, who I am and what I can offer without overdoing my limited energies and overtiring myself. I am finding the capacity to say no. This is not without repercussions. People don't like people who say no.

    As for dreams they are a source of inspiration to me. I enjoy them.